So I'd taken a bit of a hiatus from Crap Rolls Down Hill as of late--mainly because I've been so overwhelmed with other things in my life like moving, getting settled into a new job, and walking through my first pregnancy, to name a few. That last one, though, has been the most demanding of all. Bringing a child into the world has proved an all-consuming endeavor. When you're not physically feeling the weight of being pregnant, you're feeling it emotionally and mentally. And though my husband and I waited until we were 5 years into our marriage, it isn't something for which I think we could ever really be prepared.
As I've been contemplating this new addition to the many descriptors of my identity...Black woman, friend, wife, group leader, manager, MOTHER...I keep coming back to this idea of parenthood as leadership. During my pregnancy, my husband would often have one of those lightbulb/freakout moments and say, "Babe, we are about to be some little child's parents. We are gonna have to teach it stuff like ABC's...and manners." And I'd laugh and say, "Oh my gosh, yeah," recognizing the truth of those responsibilities and many more that come with this mantle. In fact, when I think about parenthood, I recognize that it is, among other things, a profound act of leadership, and one of the most significant roles I will ever take on.
So, how am I going to approach this? How do I do well at this high stakes, long-term obligation to lead someone...with no "backsies," no resignations, no returns, no opt-outs?... Well, I don't have most of the answers to this motherhood gig, but what I know about leadership is that crap rolls downhill, so my starting point is (you guessed it) ME.
Former IBM CEO, Tom Watson, once said, "Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does on a day to day basis to lead himself." In other words, you have to be grounded and have a sense of self-government before you can, in a sense, govern others. And one of the most insightful perspectives I've come across as to how to do this is in Clay Scroggins' book, How to Lead When You're Not in Charge. The book is filled with useful gems but some of the most salient points are in a chapter entitled, "Lead Yourself." In this chapter, Scroggins outlines 3 key strategies for leading yourself well:
Model Followership
Monitor your Heart and Behavior
Make a Plan to Lead Self
In the first of these strategies, Clay is essentially reminding us of the value of the old adage "a good leader must know how to follow." Secondly, Scroggins digs into motive, imploring leaders to assume a posture of service to others over self. Finally, he talks about making a plan to lead yourself well. He breaks down the areas of our lives in which we must lead ourselves and encourages the reader to think through his or her own approach.
Considering the implications of my new maternal role, I thought this last recommendation is something I should add to my repertoire and even build upon. I've never really planned out how I would lead myself. Sure I've made some goals and New Year's resolutions, but naming the "how," the characteristics I would need to possess or the set of questions I would need to ask myself to make sure I'm showing up really intentionally has rarely been a part of my leadership practice, and most certainly not my self-leadership practice.
So what do I want rolling down my own hill? Here are some of the qualities present in my "Lead me" plan:
1. Demonstrate Clear Commitment. I will be someone who fervently pursues goals aligned with my personal mission. I will be a woman who keeps promises to herself and others. I will be a person who has the wisdom and discipline to say "yes" to the things that advance my life's purpose and "no" to things that don't serve me well.
2. Be Compassionate. As a leader, I've always believed in treating those I lead with great kindness, understanding and respect. Sometimes, however, I don't offer the same level of grace to myself. I believe that exercising self-compassion in "momming," and leaving a margin for error will actually make me a better person and mom.
3. Practice Candor. I will be honest with others and myself about my beliefs and actions. I will think critically yet kindly about my goals, contributions and behaviors.
In March, I gave birth to a perfect little baby girl. We named her Justice MacKenzie. Her first name literally means, "to be just or righteous" and MacKenzie has Gaelic origins, meaning "child of the wise leader." Our greatest hope is that our daughter will be clothed in the righteousness of Christ Jesus and that we will have the wisdom to lead her to Him, allowing her to fully live into the characteristics for which she was named. But first, I must lead myself well.
Welcome, Justice. You are already making us better versions of ourselves.
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